As many of you may recall, my people had been considering getting a dog (gag!) for the past few months. Well, last week it happened for real. They brought this home:
No! No ‘awww’-ing. Before you get all “look how cute a cuddly he is” let me tell you something about this little monster.
Last night, I’m minding my own business. Sleeping on the couch in the wee hours of the morning and I wake up to some stirring in my litter box. I look over and see my little brother, Ritz, taking my most recent piece of business out of the litter-box and then rolling around in it! I was horrified. How could a creature do something so detestable? I was so appalled, I just slinked to the other side of the couch in an effort to put it out of my mind. I figured that if I ignored it, it would be over soon.
I had slowly begun to slip back into my slumber when I heard something new! I looked up to see my little brother EATING MY FOOD! He was gobbling it up as if he hadn’t eaten in weeks! I was so dismayed. There was Ritz: covered in my poo and eating ALL MY FOOD! Again, in attempt to put it out of my mind, I turned around so as not to witness the atrocity in front of me.
No sooner did I turn around than I heard yet another noise. I looked over my shoulder to see my toy bucket overturned with all of its contents spilled and strewn across the floor. Then I see my brother with one of my toys lodged between his teeth as he shook it violently back and fourth—feathers flying in every direction. It was at this point when I realize the futility of returning to sleep. I sat on my scratching post (a safe distance from the ground) to watch as this nightmare unfolded in front of me, waiting for the return of my humans.